i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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