Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
