Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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