i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
