He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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