I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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