Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
