im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
