we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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