You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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