If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm really busy with my period
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