Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize