I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
