Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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