i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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