Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
