I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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