Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you never un-have a 4some
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
