K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
