Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
