i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
