Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
