I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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