dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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