There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
