If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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