do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
