your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
