Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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