I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
