Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she smelled like a LAN party
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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