Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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