is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
