a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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