This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
