youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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