shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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