You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
