after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
