Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
