Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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