i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
