he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Who died my cat blue again?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
