drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
