The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
