Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
