Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
