And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
