I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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