Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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