Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
