and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
