then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
