I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
