TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
