His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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