I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
