Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
