I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
