At least make sure they are 18
Why
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
