The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
