I feel like I'm in dance class right now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
