i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
this hospital has no fireball
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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