When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
