Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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